i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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