ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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