It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
