Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
