Banned from zoo.
Again?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
