i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
