I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
