I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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