i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
