It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
