Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
