Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
