I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
