Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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