Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm at about main and main street
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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