gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize