He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Randomize
