My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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