do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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