Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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