Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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