oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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