You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize