woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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