i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
