Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
