I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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