apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
