she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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