can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
