Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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