Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
