I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
