I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
