shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
