I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
two words: eviction party
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
