she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
