If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
