He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
