oh god the rape fog is back!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
