Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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