so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
