Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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