Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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