The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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