Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
