even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
