omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
