FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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