Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
