Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
