He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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