I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
