I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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