apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
