There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
