i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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