if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
