I am spending my child support on dildos
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
