just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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