Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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