somebody snuck up and got me drunk
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
