you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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