Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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