your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
