I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
