It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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