Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
