i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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